Coordinating doctor visits, receiving chemotherapy and recovering from each treatment cycle takes a tremendous amount of time and energy. Meanwhile, the rest of your life still has to function! This is true whether you are a household of one or raising a houseful of kids. Bills must be paid, meals have to be cooked and toilets have to be cleaned. On many days you will be too tired to do these things. Asking for help is essential to the daily running of your household during cancer treatment, and most of us are not good at asking for and receiving help. As a physician accustomed to caring for other people, I was terrible at asking for help. But on the day that I received my diagnosis, I realized that I could not survive this challenge alone. As my friends began to offer help with the kids or meals, I accepted. I urge you to do the same. Now is the time to reach out to your family and friends. You need to assemble the team of people who will support you and your family.
If you are married or in a relationship, your spouse or partner is usually at the top of the helper list. In addition to giving you love and emotional support, your partner may bear the brunt of the increased workload that chemotherapy adds to your life. To alleviate some of this partner overwork, create a list of people who are available to help, together with their contact info and availability. Once the people around you know that you are going through chemotherapy, you will be amazed at how they step forward to assist. What can be difficult is allowing yourself to accept the help and assigning them something specific that they can do.
The more specific you are about what you and your family need, the easier it is for people to help. Make lists of tasks that need to be done. Sort the task list into what you must do, and what can be done by someone else. Does your house need cleaning? Are you too ill to leave the house and need someone to run an errand for you? These are examples of tasks that someone else can do for you. Use the list below to get you started on delegating tasks to your team of helpers.
Tasks to Be Delegated
Keeping your extended family and friends updated about your cancer (good task for a spouse or partner)
House cleaning, especially toilets and garbage handling
Laundry, ironing and dry cleaning
Meal planning and grocery shopping
Cooking
Walking the dog, cleaning the cat litter box and other pet care duties
Driving you to medical appointments
Driving the kids to school or activities
Shopping and other errands
Yard and garden work
Paying household bills
Handling health insurance claims and bills
Taking your spouse or children on an outing
Helping you organize all these tasks!
Don’t feel guilty about asking for help and receiving it. Remember that those who love you feel helpless right now, and they will be grateful for a chance to do something for you. Helping you is the physical manifestation of their love for you. Let them help and their love will carry you forward.
Resources for Accepting Help and Delegating Tasks
Assistance & Care Organization Calendar at https://www.carecalendar.org//
Cancer Council (Australia) at https://cancer.org.au/
Cancer Support Community at https://www.cancersupportcommunity.org/
Calendar templates in Microsoft Word at https://www.wincalendar.com/Calendar-and-Schedule-Templates
Macmillan Cancer Support (United Kingdom) at https://www.macmillan.org.uk/
Meal Organization Calendar at https://www.mealtrain.com/
MyLifeLine at https://www.mylifeline.org/
Nextdoor neighborhood organizer at https://nextdoor.com/
Robin Care patient navigator service, available through some employers at https://robincare.com/
Signup Genius at https://www.signupgenius.com/
This post is adapted from a chapter in Braving Chemo: What to Expect, How to Prepare and How to Get Through It, by Beverly A. Zavaleta MD, 2019.
