Read this post in Spanish.
Summer is winding down, but the usual ways of marking time aren’t around for 2020. We did not take summer vacation and my boys could not attend in-person activities. I still have work, unlike so many who are newly-unemployed, and I’m thankful for it. But pandemic work is exhausting and I am weary. I feel that my country, and perhaps our whole world, is weary as we transition from sprinting through the pandemic to running a marathon.
This pandemic marathon is similar to the marathon of cancer treatment. I recall being in the middle of my chemotherapy and feeling that I was lost in the doldrums. After the frantic energy of diagnosis and early treatment was gone it was as if the crack of the starting gun had dissipated and my cheering crowd of well-wishers had been reduced to a few loyal fans. In the middle of treatment, I faced a routine of long drives to the cancer center, afternoons in the chemo chair and days in quarantine at home. Life during chemo felt unreal and time was turned upside down. I felt disconnected from my former self while in the background, the threat of death was ever-present. These days seem eerily similar: long days of work or isolation, with an undercurrent of death from infection.
How did I escape these chemo doldrums? I let go and held on simultaneously. I let go of expectations while finding a core to hold on to. Letting go was not easy, but I realized that time would pass and sweep me along until chemo was over. I became less anxious when I could sense this current and have faith that regardless of being head up, head down or somewhere in between, I would be deposited on the other side of chemotherapy. When I could let go, I had a feeling of stillness or wholeness that permeated my body. These were the good days and I held on to this feeling of wholeness and focused on it to center myself. This sense of wholeness was what I held on to.
We are all in the doldrums now, disoriented in this seemingly-endless and timeless pandemic. To tolerate this upside-down time, I encourage you to try letting go and holding on, as I did during chemo. We are all capable of letting go of expectations while touching in with our wholeness. To help with this, I offer a visualization that is modified from one that is included in my book, Braving Chemo.
Core Visualization
Sit or lie down in a comfortable position with your spine straight and your limbs relaxed. Close your eyes if you wish.
Notice: What am I feeling in my body? Is there tension? Tiredness? Pain?
Are there also pleasant sensations? Warmth? Softness?
Notice any thoughts that come into your mind and allow them to pass by.
Now, turn your attention your center, to your core that is untouched by the chaos around you.
Feel where this core resides within your body. Allow softness and warmth to enter into this physical core.
Your center is a part of you that uncertainty has not stolen, that fear has not damaged.
This true center is strong and complete. It is whole.
This core is your vibrant and infinite self.
Anchor yourself to this thriving core.
Feel yourself residing within your core, safe and whole.
Feel yourself strong, still and brave within your core.
Rest in your core, breathing in and out, and allow time to pass.
Wishing you all a safe and healthy end of summer,
Onward together!
Dr. Zavaleta
For more visualizations and helpful information to keep you healthy through chemotherapy, check out my book Braving Chemo: What to Expect, How to Prepare and How to Get Through It.
